it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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