He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize