everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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