I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
