My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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