Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
