Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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