ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
