Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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