I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I fill condoms, not promises.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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