the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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