What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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