So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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