i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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