She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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