oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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