dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
