You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
