At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
