I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
