apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
dude. I can hear the air.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
