she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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