Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
