It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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