Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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