i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm like, not good at living.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
