The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
