Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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