I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
