he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
