If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
