I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
