guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
