hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
