Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
