after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
