Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
