just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
