My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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