so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
