DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
