I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i barfeds in our rink
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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