did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
