What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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