Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
