i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
