So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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