Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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