Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
