McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
