I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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