"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
