I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
