I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
