Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
