Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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