I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
