AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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