she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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