I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
accomplished twins. life is a go
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
