Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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