New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
