Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
