1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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