Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
