I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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