today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
